he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
