she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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