Your face is a jimmy john
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
