we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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