I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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