lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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