Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
