he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
