life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
