if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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