who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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