I just threw up on my dentist
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
