It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
this just has baby written all over it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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