i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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