in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
