Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
