i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
