We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
