just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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