My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
