she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish i was in the wii world.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
