It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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