Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
