John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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