I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
