I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
