i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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