I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
