The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
