She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
