Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
