Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
