I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
