If that was your dad, he is hot
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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