You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
