: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
