a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
