...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
