shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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