She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
