ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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