My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
