pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
