Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
