I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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