WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
