i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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