two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
