and next time when you feel me up, do it right
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
