i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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