Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
