i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
