i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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