I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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