Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
