In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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