It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
