what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I accidentally burped into my bong.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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