You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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