My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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