Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
