i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
