There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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