that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Randomize
