How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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