hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
