Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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