I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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