You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
did i just pee glitter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
