Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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