Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
