I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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