I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
