she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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